Florida Man Jan 26 – Cake Shop Owner Gives HIV To Thousands
On Florida man Jan 26, a Florida man who owned a cake stall outside a stadium had added a secret ingredient to all of his cakes. The cakes were on offer for 25 cents each, and the cake shop owner sold over 4000 cakes before and after the game at the Orlando City Stadium.
Local residents and those who traveled far and wide began to lodge complaints to the stadium having picked up some sort of virus, with some noting that they feel their immune systems aren’t coping with any illnesses that they get. Many of these complaints were updated with positive HIV results, and an investigation was opened by the stadium leadership team and the FBI.
After an investigation by the FBI into a staggering number of recent HIV cases, the vendors and stadium officials were put under investigation, and the investigation found discarded cakes from the day, which were DNA tested and matched back to the owner of the cake stall.
The cake stall owner, a married 72 year old man, was arrested at his residence in Tampa Bay, and is currently awaiting court proceedings. His bond has been set at $1,700,000.
In total, 3,751 known members of the public were given HIV by the spiked-cake stall. Other members of the public who may have been diagnosed with HIV have opted to keep their privacy intact, but are privately suing the stadium owners for gross negligence for not vetting the cake shop owner out properly before hiring him for the event.
Florida Man Jan 26 – Entrepreneur Arrested For Dropping Vagisil Into Womens Shopping Carts
On Florida man Jan 26, a Florida man was arrested for dropping Vagisil into womens carts in a supermarket, and following closely behind until they were at the checkouts.
The Florida man would then proceed to let the female citizens know that the Vagisil isn’t the best option for healthcare out there, and that they should consider a new range of creams that he is bringing out.
Unbeknownst to the Florida man, the women were very much aware that they didn’t add the cream to their daily shopping run, and were disgusted with the man’s attempt at prying his wares out to vulnerable women.
Cops were called shortly after the mans third attempt, and during his removal from the store, the man proceeded to pull his member out, and offer the female police officer a pearl necklace at the scene.
Although we are unsure if the female police officer obliged, reports say the man is serving 36 hours behind bars for indecent exposure, and has been given a restraining order from all local stores for 2 years.
Florida Man Jan 26 – British Trans Comedian Joe Lycett Strip Searched At Florida Airport
On Florida man Jan 26, a Florida man had the pleasure of strip searching trans comedian Joe Lycett as he was beginning to film a new series in Florida, where he was set to drink alligator ejaculate, in hopes that he would become part reptile.
The series was set to be aired on the british channel 4, where Joe would undergo a fast transformation, similarly to that of the doctor in the Amazing Spiderman 2. During Joe’s trans-formation, he would have been seen to hopefully grow reptile parts and become much bigger, but it seemed Joe had e-reptile dysfunction.
After being strip searched, Joe was sent on his way with a fine, for wasting police time when he told them that the substances were much deeper up his anus, with one officer reaching all the way up to the elbow but being unable to find anything.
After 6 hours of investigative searching up Joe’s rectum, the officers were happy to state that there was no illicit items stored up Joe’s bottom, and he could be on his way.
Final Florida Man Jan 26 Thoughts
Wawawewa, that’s one crazy set of Florida man stories for Florida man Jan 26. Thousands of HIV cases, a man trying to sell his homemade vagisil and a trans comedian gone awry, you couldn’t write this stuff!
Have you checked out what Florida man has done on your birthday? If it’s not a date we have covered, please let us know in the comments below. Disclaimer – these stories are all made up for entertainment, you will not get HIV by eating a cake at the Orlando City Stadium and Joe Lycett isn’t trans.